Top 10: Worst SUV Wannabes

[svgallery name="Top_10_SUV_Wannabes"] By John LeBlanc What with today's small car craze, it's hard to believe that at one point in the late 1990s, sports-utility-vehicles roamed the North America byways like herds of 18th century bison. Large, ill-handling and gas-guzzling contraptions like the Ford Explorer, Chevrolet Tahoe and Jeep Grand Cherokee were some of the top-selling vehicles in their day. Not all automakers, though, had an appropriate vehicle to jump on the SUV bandwagon. Automakers suffering from SUV-envy ended up resorting to festooning vehicles with faux-SUV design pastiches like two-tone wheel arches, raised suspensions, white-letter balloon tires and fake skid plates. Chronologically, here are my 10 worst SUV wannabes: 1980 to 1988 AMC Eagle As the mother of all SUV Wannabes, the Eagle was the first mass-produced North American passenger car with four-wheel-drive. Besides the new Jeep AWD bits, two-tone bodywork and "off-road" tires, the Brampton, Ont.-built Eagle coupes, sedans, and wagons were decidedly creaky, being based on the AMC Concord, itself based on the already decade-old Hornet. It sold well initially. In fact, the Eagle concept was extended to include the also-Hornet-based Gremlin-based Spirit three-doors. But when Chrysler bought AMC and Jeep in 1988, the Eagle's wings were clipped, with only its name living on as a short-lived Chrysler brand. 1996 to the present Subaru Outback If any automaker has bought into the SUV Wananbe formula, lock, stock and barrel it's Japan's Subaru. Some say the original Outback — first seen as a special edition of the Legacy midsize wagon — can be considered the industry's first crossover. Some say it was just a more expensive Legacy wagon that got worse fuel economy, rode rougher and didn't handle as well. Whatever you say, the Outback was a sales success. Reviving Subaru's financial fortunes, the automaker couldn't help itself but apply the Outback formula to almost every other car in its lineup. At one point, there was an Outback Sedan, a version with an open bed called the Baja, even an Impreza Outback. 1999 to 2005 Audi A6 Allroad Audi was already selling a rather nice all-wheel drive wagon with its A6 Avant. But with no SUV or crossover in its lineup, the German automaker decided to "Outback" the A6 and dubbed it the Allroad. For a hefty premium over the regular Avant, Allroad customers got an adjustable air suspension system, larger wheels with all-terrain tires, wheel flares, unpainted bumpers and some fake skid plates. The demise of the North American Allroad was sealed when Audi finally decided to join the SUV party late with its Q7 in 2007. Rumours persist Audi is contemplating going back to the SUV Wannabe trough with an A4 Avant-based Allroad for 2011. 1999 to the present Volvo Cross-Country/XC Like Audi, Volvo owes a few sheckles to Subaru for its 1999 Cross-Country, another SUV Wannabe inspired by the seminal (and very profitable, thank your very much) Outback. Like the Allroad and Outback, the original Cross-Country was initially offered as a top-line trim option, based on a less expensive better handling, nicer riding and more fuel efficient wagon–the V70 AWD. It became its own model a year later, and when an all-new generation V70 showed up in 2000, the badge changed to an abbreviated version: "X" for "Cross," and "C" for "Country." 2001 to 2005 Pontiac Aztek Based on U.S. General Motors' minivan platform, the Aztek was a rare SUV Wananbe that wasn't station wagon based. To promote its SUV Wannabe lifestyle, the Aztek could be equipped for either camping or a Buffalo Bills tailgate party — your choice. Options included a centre console removable cooler, a tent and mattress combo with a built-in air compressor, seatback mounted backpacks, and a plethora of racks for mountain bikes, kayaks, or snowboards and two-piece tailgate with built-in cup holders and seating. Too bad rose coloured glasses weren't on the short lived Aztek's option list. Its oddball styling meant sales never came close to GM's original sales hopes and the SUV Wananbe was killed off after only four years on sale. 2003 to the present Honda Element Without a truck-based SUV in its lineup, or planned-for any time soon, the Japanese automaker turned to its wee Civic chassis for a its first SUV Wannabe — the 2003 Element. In the Element's defense, it does offer a lot of "U" in its fake SUV equation. The cabin floor is rubber, its pair of rear seats can be folded up against the cabin's walls for maximum space, the side suicide doors open wide for loading flat screens and the CR-V's slip-then-grip part-time AWD could be had. Interestingly, over the years, Hondas stylists have tried to hide the Element's SUV Wannabe roots by slowing evolving is two-tone body to a hipper monochromatic scheme. 2005 to 2009 Ford Freestyle/Taurus X So, you're Ford. It's the late 1990s. Almost overnight, no one's buying your former-best-selling Explorer and Expedition truck-based SUVs anymore. What to do? The answer was the Freestyle, an SUV Wannabe based on a Volvo platform. At least the Freestyle — which would be renamed the Taurus X in 2008 and give way to the Flex in 2010 — offered seats for seven, just like an Explorer or Expedition. Ironically, the vehicle the Freestyle intended to replace, the Explorer, becomes an SUV Wannabe next year, when it moves to the Taurus X's platform as a 2012, including a first-ever four-cylinder engine option. 2007 to the present Suzuki SX-4 Crossover Until the forthcoming Nissan Juke and Mini Countryman arrive, the smallest ever SUV Wananbe is Suzuki's SX-4. Suzuki — already known for its Samurai, Vitara and XL-7 utility vehicles — decided the new SX-4 compact had to be marketed as an SUV if it wanted to be a success. Codeveloped with Italy's Fiat, the SX-4 could be had with the requisite SUV Wannabe two-tone wheel arches and AWD. Like what Honda is doing with its Element, Suzuki is wizening up that the SUV association may not be where the market is going. For 2010, you can get an SX-4 in a very non-SUV monochromatic exterior. 2007 Jeep Compass/Patriot When is a Jeep not a Jeep? When it's a Compass or Patriot, SUV Wannabes based on Chrysler's compact platform that also spawned the Dodge Caliber. Strictly designed for on-road use only, unlike a lot of the faux-off-roaders on this list, you could buy a Compass/Patriot with only FWD. To note: Jeep made a point when the Compass/Patriot first came out that they would not wear the brand's famous "Trail Rated" badge, dooming the compacts' off-adding exploits to Tim Hortons drive-thru curbs. Amazingly, if Chrysler's latest parent, Fiat, has its way, the Compass/Patriot will be replaced in 2013 by a Jeep model based on the Italian automaker's subcompact Panda. 2010 Saab 9-3X Over a decade after rival Volvo debuted its Cross-Country, Saab launched its 9-3x SUV Wannabe. Sort of. With the 'x' in the nomenclature, the 9-3 wagon-based model uses Saab's Haldex XWD system. Other than that, it adheres to the SUV Wananbe formula religiously: taller profile tires, higher riding height, plastic cladding, and front and rear skid plates. First seen at the 2009 Geneva auto show in full production trim, the 2010 9-3x was to arrive in Canadian showrooms last fall. But with General Motors sale of the Swedish brand to Danish super car maker Spyker and whether or not the automaker will return to Canada still unresolved, we may never see what became known as the "Saab Outback."

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