2008 Detroit Duds

January 18, 2008 - By John LeBlanc

Also check out this year's rare, but true Concepts

DETROIT-- After three days and countless over-amped, jumbo-screen presentations of vehicles from every niche of the market, it isn’t tough to spot the media darlings at the Detroit auto show.

But while standouts like Chevrolet’s Corvette ZR1, or  Audi’s R8 V12 diesel received warm receptions, plaudits and bouquets, there are a select few vehicles that were, let’s say, less than inspiring.

I’m not talking about the Chinese cars. Attacking these cheaply made models is too easy. It’s like dissing the song-wrecking wannabes on the season premiere of American Idol -- what did you expect?

I’m talking about the offerings from automakers that presumably know better, yet, somehow, some way, signed off on these aesthetic lemons anyway:

 FERRARI F430 ETHANOL I have no problem if the famed Italian automaker wants to go green. Which it proposes with its ethanol-powered F430 Spider prototype that sports a slight power boost and a single-digit reduction in emissions. But the day-glo green “BIO-FUEL” cut-vinyl logos graffitied on its hood and doors not only ruined the F430’s gorgeous paint job, it also ruined any chance of its owner getting some after being spotted in this car. I guess the opposite of this would be Toyota offering racing stripes on a Prius (doh!). In the end: Treehuggers 1, Romance 0.

 HONDA PILOT Little surprise in that the new 2009 Honda Pilot shares a platform with the '07 Acura MDX, albeit cheaper, with less features, and room for one more family member. What is surprising is the lack of cohesiveness in its exterior design. The Pilot's back end looks like a Xerox of a Nissan Armada. It's side window outline borrows from the new Jeep Liberty. And the front grille looks like it's already been in an acccident. Ouch. The last Pilot didn't set anyone's pants on fire with its looks. But this mess?  Some vehicles look like they've been beaten with an ugly stick. With the new Pilot, Honda must have used a tree trunk.

HYUNDAI GENESIS Props to Hyundai for taking on the establishment: the old boys’ network of rear-drive, luxury sports sedans like the BMW 5-Series, Mercedes E-Class, Lexus GS and Infiniti M. Hyundai suits are hoping the Genesis causes the same kind of “industry disruption” Lexus achieved back when Japanese luxury cars in America were as common as same-sex marriages. But, hey, Hyundai, it’s not 1989 anymore. Looking like the lovechild of an Infiniti M45 and a Lexus LS, the Genesis is a missed opportunity for Hyundai designers to make their own statement. They did it with their new courageous Genesis Coupe, so why not the sedan? The risk, as always with only shooting for the status quo, is that Hyundai has to now live with the Genesis for probably six to eight years.

SUBARU FORESTER It appears that a prohibition on creativity has been mandated over at Subaru design. First up was last year’s redo of the Tribeca. It went from a funky, Alfa Romeo-esque people-mover to a Chrysler Pacifica clone (and where is the Pacifica today?) Way to hang your design on a winner there, Subie. And now we get the 2009 Forester cute-ute, a vehicle with a design that moves the compact crossover genre not one millimetre. So conservative in its looks, the term “new” is almost libelous. I know existing Forester owners — a mix of young families, retirees who like to garden, dog lovers, and lesbians — are a loyal and conservative lot. But if they wanted a vehicle that looks like an Outlander, well, Mitsubishi already has one for sale.

VOLKSWAGEN PASSAT CC Pop quiz: What does the Mercedes-Benz CLS, BMW X6, Porsche Panamera and new Passat CC all have in common? All their makers have the gall to call them coupes. Which really doesn’t work for anyone with any eyesight. All have too many doors, too many B-pillars -- hey, too much marketing fluff. Aesthetically, each is better looking than its more sober sibling: the E Class, Passat and X5, respectively. But, once again folks, THESE ARE NOT COUPES!

KIA BOREGGO Comedian Steve Martin once said that the secret to great comedy is “ti-, ti-, timing.” So here’s Kia introducing a brand new, big ol’ body-on-frame sports-utility vehicle just when veterans like General Motors and Ford are getting out of this market quicker than you can say “35 miles per gallon.” With its sister company already selling its sexy Veracruz and Santa Fe crossovers, Kia must be feeling like the ugly stepsister to Hyundai’s Cinderella. Maybe Kia just needs to run ads on  Idol.

- John LeBlanc, Publisher