Three for the Road: Q-ships

July 12, 2006 - By John LeBlanc

Those who understand the need for speed also know that stealth can be a driving enthusiast’s best weapon against undue, ahem, delays. So welcome to the clandestine world of the automotive Q-ship: conservative luxury sedans stuffed with honking V8s and sport-tuned suspensions that draw about as much attention as a streaker in a nudist colony. Here are three of the better-driving, pre-owned Q-ships that can smack down exotic sports car performance numbers all-day long without the attention exotic sports car’s receive from you-know-who:

THIRD PLACE 2002 Audi S8 – Although considered full-size, the sportiest A8 sits between a Mercedes E Class and S Class in its physical dimensions. As befitting a car considered at the time Audi’s flagship, permanently engaged Quattro all-wheel-drive mated to a 5-speed Tiptronic tranny is standard. The Audi’s AWD may be unique in this trio, but it also makes the S8 the heaviest Q-ship here at 1,845 kilograms. Although the S8’s 360-h.p 4.2-litre V8 is more powerful than the cooking A8 4.2 version, it’s not enough to keep the Audi from trailing the Benz and Bimmer in acceleration times. The front seats are long-term comfy but too flat to hold one in place for spirited driving. Due to the soap bar styling, the S8 is nearly silent at high-speeds with the only din coming from the low-profile rubber. Where the S8 excels is in ride quality. Pliant, cool, calm and collected—if that sounds more like a Lexus LS, then you’re starting to understand why as a driver’s car the S8 finishes third. TROUBLE SPOTS Zip, zero, zilch. WHAT YOU'LL PAY Low end: ‘02, 80,000 kms, wholesale $45,950, resale $50,825. High end: '02 Navigation, suede and leather trim, 80,000 kms, wholesale $48,175, resale $53.050. BOTTOM LINE As a piece of sculpture, both inside and out, the S8 is a piece of art. As a substitute for an exotic sports car, nein. Also note that because of its rarity, the S8 is still commanding high resale values on the pre-owned market.

SECOND PLACE 1999-2001 Mercedes-Benz E55 AMG – The AMG acronym is derived from the original founders’ initials: Hans-Werner Aufrecht and Erhard Melcher, as well as the town in Germany where Aufrecht was born, Grossaspach. But it may as well stand for All Mighty Gawd, the most likely words you’ll murmur when you stomp on this hot-rod E Class’s throttle for the first time. The Mercedes’ hand-built 5.4-litre V8 is the largest in displacement of this Teutonic trio and hammers out 349-lb.-ft. of torque. Because of this, the E55 AMG requires the use of the automatic transmission from the V12 Mercedes models. Despite only weighing 4.5 kilograms more then the M5, the E55 AMG is not as quick. Although it beats the S8 to 96 kilometres an hour from a standstill. The suspension seems better suited to high-speed autobahns than twisty two lanes so the big sedan’s handling won’t be mistaken for a Mercedes SLK. But when this brute of a V8 pushes you beyond the envelope of your own driving skills, Mercedes' Electronic Stability Program (ESP), calmly adjusts either understeer or oversteer. TROUBLE SPOTS None. Nothing. Nada. WHAT YOU'LL PAY Low end: '99, 140,000 kms, wholesale $27,400, resale $31,175. High end: '01, nav, moonroof, 100,000 kms, wholesale $36,425, resale $40,900. BOTTOM LINE With no extraneous styling features beyond the generous rubber stuffed into the E55 AMG’s wheel wells, the Mercedes is a wonderfully stealthy Q-ship. If you like to go fast in a straight line, the fastest E is for you.

FIRST PLACE 2001-2003 BMW M5 – Like any car worthy of the Q-ship badge of honour, the good stuff is hidden. Lose the blue, red and purple-striped badges and the M5 might as well be a 525i with a body kit. But no measly 525i ever had a whopping 394-h.p. 4.9-litre V8 for an engine. Although the S8 packs more horses, the M5 has more torque and less weight. Hence the quickest time to 96 kilometres per hour at 4.8 seconds that allowed BMW to claim fastest sedan in the world honours at the time of the M5’s launch. This is also the only Q-ship here to sport a stick; a six-speed gearbox donated from the 540i beefed up accordingly. And unlike the big-engined Merc, the M5 isn’t afraid of a tight corner, or several corners in succession. TROUBLE SPOTS The Xenon headlights may not illuminate if the switch is turned while cranking engine (‘00). Vehicles equipped with variable valve timing system (VANOS) engines may suffer engine valve jamming and varnish build-up if oil changes are extended. (‘01) WHAT YOU'LL PAY Low end: ‘01 100,000 kms, wholesale $45,975, resale $50.750. High end: '03, 60,000 kms, wholesale $58,650, resale $64,600. BOTTOM LINE Luxury sedan, high speed express, boy racer—whatever—the M5 really can do it all.